CHRISTMAS IN PRISON

                                                   THE CHRISTMAS COOKIE

Conley and I were teaching a Celebrate Recovery class a few weeks ago when the ladies stood to be thankful for volunteers that brought cookies to them.  My mind began turning.....wow, maybe WE could do that for Christmas.  I called the new Chaplain in one of the units to ask permission and she jumped on the idea.  They were planning a caroling on Dec. 17 from 6-8pm and cookies could be passed out with some donated calendars.  I inquired about the head count.  We wanted the entire unit not just the Faith Based ladies.  We were told between 550 and a few more.  Oh, my.... that's a LOT of cookies.

In my small mind, I had envisioned decorating sugar cookies with pretty sprinkles and color.  That idea fell off quickly when we calculated what really needed to be done. We didn't have the green light from the warden yet, so we waited.  When the call came that we could not only bake the cookies, but pass them out back in the units!!!!!!  We were pumped.  Our directors contacted a very well established Mennonite bakery that had the equipment and experience to bake 600 cookies.  They had in fact, just finished 4,000 cookies for other units!!!!!!  We joined the bakery team and whipped out 600 Chocolate Chip cookies and put them individually in baggies and see through containers.

When Monday night came, we were SOOOOOO excited!  This is our very first experience going into the back and seeing the ladies in their environment.  We practiced quickly with the Faith Based ladies a few carols and began the big adventure.  From dorm to dorm we sang, handed out cookies and calendars and said "Merry Christmas" to each lady.  Our team handed out 300 and the chaplain's team handed out the other 300!  

What did we see??????  We saw 25-30 women sitting on bunk beds per dorm,  all in white with hollow looks in their eyes.  They had smiled as we sang, and some began to cry.  A few clapped and danced at Jingle Bells.  As we pushed past the Faith Based women, we went to 300 bunks handing out ONE chocolate chip cookie and wishing them Merry Christmas.  Their faces lit up!, Smiles covered the sadness for just a moment.  Most said "Thank You, bless you for coming to see us".  We forget, some have NOT had one letter, one call contact, or one visit their entire incarceration.  You would have thought we had handed out $100 dollar bills!!!!!  Not one turned them down or showed ANY ungratefulness, not one! We did hear, "you sure smell good as my White Diamond perfume left a quick fragrance.  One lady said as I walked away....Love her boots!"  Another lady commented on the sparkling deep blue scarf I wore with a bling bling matching necklace I had received last Christmas for my present.  Coach was the only man, but he belted out those carols like a choir boy and gave his smile away bunk by bunk!

We saw women the ages of our own children and even our ages.  Dry skin covered most of the ladies and long hair pulled back in pony tails.  There was no sweet fragrances, soft lotions, or colorful Christmas PJs.  Not one picture on the walls and no piped in mall music with "We Wish You a Merry Christmas! My mind flashed back at times when had the circumstances turned just a measure one way or the other, those could have been my kids in there!  Had I acted on feelings my own heart felt and carried at times, I could have been sitting on those bunk beds.  Are they guilty of a crime?  Most are and they admit it.  They are paying the penalty.  A penalty most of us do not have ANY idea what it truly is to be a woman in prison.  One young inmate asked Coach if we would be bringing some cold milk with the cookies.  Sadly, to say, she was very serious.  She is a young, simple girl who has a sad story.  We saw the inner child in many women that night.  

We saw JOY and happiness for those brief moments.  The guards were eating the sugar cookies I had made for them and helping us pass out calendars so everyone got one!  The halls were lined with inmates, guards, and volunteers......and guess what???? Not ONE problem occurred.  Oh, happy day!  The warden will probably say yes again next year because of that.

We finished the evening sharing a devotional with the Faith Based women.  Coach spoke on the gifts through their respect and acts of kindness  we have received from THEM since we began coming into the units.  They did not realize the impacts they have on others.  I read a poem and true story about Christmas.  Before leaving, they asked the Chaplain if they could dance for us to Mary Did You Know.  7 girls did an interpretive dance with 2 ladies singing acapella.  Another gift given from inside the bars to us!  

We often think we have nothing to give at Christmas.  As we are shopping and hustling about in the stores, we are carrying the greatest gift of all, OURSELVES!  Giving ourselves to others takes a special form and it usually touches others deeply.  We left with another gift, they left with a Christmas cookies and a memory of a Christmas they will never forget.  It was the biggest Christmas party we have ever attended!!!!!!!  

This Christmas, do not withhold yourselves from others.  It maybe the only gift they get.  Give generously and give deeply.....He that waters shall be watered also himself...Proverbs 11:25 

Merry Christmas,
Coach & Nancy

YOU SAY

And The Spirit Fell

Lauren Daigle has a hit song our called You Say.  Last week we entered a State Jail with about 50 incarcerated ladies coming into a service.  Our ministry, Lifeway Haven was asked to speak and share the opportunity to enter this 2 yr. program.  We began with worship and the second song was You Say by Lauren Daigle.  As we stood to worship, a young woman in her early 20s slipped out of her row and went to the front.  I noted she was missing some front teeth and not a beautiful girl by the world standards.  She was dressed in her white uniform and tennis shoes.  She began an interpretive dance to the song.  It was not a smooth, soft, graceful dance at all.  In fact, it was jerky and rather aggressive in nature, but VERY expressive.  It only took us a few minutes in to note that she BELIEVED what Lauren was singing about what God said she was, NOT what the world said she was.  

The ladies in white quickly began to rise to their feet and all hands lifted to heaven.  Tears flooded down faces and some sobbed.  We were overtaken by their abandonment in worship.  We thought we had seen a deep level of worship, but THIS surpassed them all.  We were overtaken by our own emotions and wept as we watched these transformed women worship and embrace what God had revealed to them about how HE views each of them.  Tears were literally dripping off their faces into their laps as they sat down.  What had just happened?  What had we witnessed?  It was the breath of the Holy Spirit, He had come, He was welcome, He fell on us ALL!!!!!  As the dance ended, the young inmate said that the Lord told her that every time she dances, things "break off" those she abandons herself in front of.  

 

Oh my, how overwhelmed we were when we left.  Maybe desperate circumstances are good for us.  Loss of privileges, loss of personal items, loss of contact, loss of technology, and loss of freedoms.... can all lead to abandonment to God if we let our circumstances mold us and we turn to God.  Had we witnessed a room full of ladies that had come to the end of themselves and the beginning with God?  Jesus said when we visit prison, we visit Him.  We believe that we experienced a visitation from the Spirit of God.  He was honored, He was celebrated, He was applauded by His creation that had been given freedom within the walls.  We were just blessed to be present as He came by and left His presence among those who have turned to Him for a fresh beginning . 

    YOU SAY    

     by Lauren Daigle

I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just a song of every high and every low
Remind me once again just who I am because I need to know

You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am week
And you say I am held when I am falling short
And when I don't belong, Lord you say I am yours
And I believe, yes I believe what you say of me
Oh I believe

The only thing that matters now is everything you say of me
Cuz in you I find my worth in you I find my identity

You say I am loved when I cant feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am week
And you say I am held when I am falling short
And when I don't belong, Lord, you say I am yours
And I believe, yes I believe what you say of me
Oh I believe

Taking all I have now I'm laying at your feet
Cuz you have every failure, God, and you have every victory

You say I am loved when I cant feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am week
And you say I am held when I am falling short
And when I don't belong, Lord you say I am yours
And I believe, yes I believe what you say of me
Oh I believe

And I believe, yes I believe what you say of me
Oh I believe

RAISE YOUR HAND....

                                                                                             A Father to the fatherless...…
a defender of widows is God in His holy dwelling!

We continue to wait on our new assignment at Lifeway Haven to be active with ladies coming out of prison.  The Parole process is lengthy and very demanding with mandatory meetings and housing.  We are currently attending Celebrate Recovery and Bridges to Life inside some of the female units.  We have taught several classes and are over 11 women each Thursday for Bridges classes.

The topic of FORGIVENESS came up last week. We looked at the many sides of forgiveness, the need for it, God's command that we forgive, using boundaries in forgiveness.  As we were bringing the topic to a close, Coach asked the ladies to look at a check list and pick one thing on the list that had this NOT been an issue for them, they might not be in prison today.  

An older inmate who looked very tired and worn from her journey said, "a dad".  Coach asked her to repeat that and she said a little bolder, "a dad"!.  Her next remark was her stolen childhood.  We knew that meant she had experienced sexual abuse as a child.  She obviously did not have her dad there to protect her either.  We began around the circle asking the same questions and suddenly we stopped.  Nancy said, "raise your hand if you too would say you lost your childhood".  There were about 18 women in the circle.  All but 4 raised their hands.  Wow, Coach's eyes teared up and Nancy then raised hers  also.  No one wants to identify with their trauma, but we do! 

We were told a few weeks ago that it is wiser and more compassionate to ask an inmate NOT "what did you do to get here", but rather ask, "what happened to you before you came to prison?"  There is always a beginning to negative behaviors and bad choices.  It is very often PAIN!  We numb it with alcohol, drugs, food, shopping, self harm, and many other ways.  It's SO easy to judge and point fingers with shame at another person.  No wonder God chooses best to judge and discipline because He knows ALL the facts in a person's life.  

What compassion we both had has increased over and over again.  We see the end results of such abuse.  The challenge we face now, is leading them to the healer of such experiences.  Bringing them to the Great Physician who does what meds, counseling, and human words cannot.....divine healing of the emotions, that part others cannot see, but the victim feels.  How strange we are teaching them to deal with their victims and to ask forgiveness and yet, they too are victims and no one is saying "I'm sorry to them.".  We all know, that to forgive, we may NEVER hear those words, but we must forgive.  Last week we talked about Let go and Let God.  

Tonight we will sit in the circle again and this time we plan to ask, who wants divine healing from stolen childhoods....RAISE YOUR HAND!  Come Father, be a Father to those fatherless in our circle and heal the deep wounds that still cause pain and horrible memories after so many years.  We need you Father, our Great Physician.  

A CIRCLE OF WHITE

  A New Beginning

Thursday night we entered the N-1 Unit in Marlin, TX for another class of Bridges To Life.  Our search and pat down was very through.  Nancy's knee replacement always goes off!!!  We entered with a small team of God's Army to minister an exciting program that has decreased reentry into prison from 80% to 18%.  It's an opportunity for our ladies to take responsibility for their offenses, change, repent, make restitution, and gain peace.  Their time spent in prison needs to REHAB, not tear down more what is already broken. 

We viewed several film clips of victims and their stories.  Sitting there, we wondered how each lady felt.  They were the offenders and to see the tears, hurt, and pain of the victims must have been hard.

Our final DVD was 45 min. story of a true experience on the men's Death Row and the miracle of salvation and impact one changed man can have. It was told by the son of the offender who was also a victim of his father.  

We broke up in circles to review the homework and we found ourselves surrounded by white.  The uniforms are stained, wrinkled, and misfit.  Elastic waist bands in the pants and tops that don't match.  These offenders are stripped of all the details we love on the outside.  It's part of bringing them to the basics of life and hoping to gain their attention.  We were well aware that they had put actions to their heart feelings and we had not, BUT we had held some of the same feelings they had.  As God looked at our hearts, we think He saw a complete Circle of White, not just 20 and 3 in colored clothing.  Had we ever hated, wished someone was not alive in our lives, wanted to stop the pain we felt, quit caring for those who depended on us???? Yes, yes we have, but by God's grace, we had not acted on those feelings and often turned from them.  God's grace...…separated us from the offenders.  Not because we had NEVER felt their anger or hatred, or depression, but somewhere, someone had led us into His grace and opened our hearts to better choices. 

How many of those in the Circle of White were raped by their dads, raised in a drug infested home, sold into prostitution, or displaced by foster care and told they would never amount to anything.  We will soon find out.  Next week, they start sharing their testimonies and pouring out the pain, the anger, the hopelessness they live in.  We are there to support, and turn them to another way, new choices, and a REAL relationship to Jesus Christ.  This will be our part, to unlock those prison doors and set these captives free.  Saved by the grace of God, but there go I.  That is a very true statement.  We pray that each lady in the Circle of White will be taking off those dirty uniforms of the offenders and slipping on the white robes of forgiveness and righteousness.  Some have murdered, some have stolen, and others stopped pain by drugs and alcohol and injured someone else in the process.  

It's hard to remove the filthy garment of offending and wear the robe of righteousness.  Shame and guilt wrap around their memories.  Family members walk away with unspeakable hurts, and society braces to protect themselves from their reentry into neighborhoods and churches. We are being asked to pour out of our own brokenness and failures what God will do for each in this circle. We cannot offer ourselves because we too are in such need of His grace.  We offer Jesus and Him alone.  The healer and lifter of our heads, the healer of broken hearts and lives.  The one who makes beauty from ashes.  I pray that at the end of the 14 weeks together, we will see in the Spirit, all ladies sitting in white robes of righteousness and the offenders white uniforms at His feet- forgiven and restored. 

May we all leave our white uniforms of offense at His feet and wear with aw and wonder the white robes of righteousness our Father places over us as we accept Jesus into our hearts.  May each lady reenter a new creation, free of her past, full of God's Word and walking obedient in His ways.  Restore them Lord and also those they have offended.  Pour sweet heavenly healing on all the hearts they have broken and on their hearts.  Thank you Lord, we can sit in the Circle of White remembering we too are offenders before you and the gift of forgiveness and new beginnings you offer each of us.  

I'm Not Enough .....

                                                              I Need You

I was traveling back from one of the prison units late last pm and I received an email with a song on it from one of my children.  Coach and I had just been overwhelmed at the ladies in white.  The room was full of white uniforms, smiles, and pain.  I saw pain on every face, but also happiness in the Lord.  We came so I could share on ANGER, a very real issue for incarcerated people.  As I stood before them, I realized I was NOT enough for their needs.  How could I understand what they were going through???? Did I sleep without a pillow?  Were my clothes stained and not clean?  Had I lost most of my teeth from drugs and neglect?  Had I buried my child only 3 mo. ago just the day before he was to come visit me?  

As I listened to the song that was sent to me, I cried as I realized that I'm Not Enough ...unless YOU come, I need YOU, will you meet me here again.  That's what I heard over and over.  It was SO true.  How on earth could I be enough for this kind of wounds and pain?  If God did not show up, there would be no ministry, no healing, no wisdom, in my weakness, HIS glory would appear!  The ladies did not need me, not at all.  They needed Him because with Him healing will pout into the broken vessels, comfort to the mother in the back wiping tears the entire time, or the lady hoping she is not too old for our new program because she does not want to return home to fail.  Come Holy Spirit was all I could ask for.  

Again, Coach and I left changed, humbled to have served and stood beside the forgiven and loved of God.  We had visited God in prison and brought a cool drink of water through the Word.  Lord, we are NEVER enough, WE NEED YOU LORD, meet us Lord daily as we go where it is not easy, comfortable, or positive at times. May we never say, we can't go, but say, yes Lord, I'll be right there.  Not for a minute was I forsaken, for the Lord was in this place!  

The Eagle

                                   Waiting Upon the Lord

Waiting is hard.  It takes patience day after day.  During that waiting period, you can loose vision, hope, and doubt sets in.  That's why it's always good to write down what God is speaking to you or directing you to.  When the "wait" comes, you can review, rehearse, and remember God's words.  Those are the words that NEVER fail.  They are true, faithful, and dependable, just like our God.  

The Word promises us that when we wait, we will have renewed strength.  We will mount up with wings as the  eagle, run and not be weary, walk and not faint!

We are waiting at Lifeway Haven.  The beds are made, the home is ready, girls are approved, 501c(3) is here, TDCJ has approved, and we wait.  The prison has required more exit classes for the approved girls.  Two of our approved ladies had families step up and ask them to come home for support.  That is exciting, but we hope they will support them, because reentry is HARD.  Felons can't get work  easily, housing is challenging, and buying cars and houses are not  one stop shopping for them.  

Each morning we are here, we get up, put on the coffee, head to the screen porch, bibles in hand and go before the Lord.  We are rehearsing, reviewing, and remembering His call, His words, His heart for these ladies.  We are putting out personal fires, distractions, and disruptions in every turn because we KNOW...… the enemy is mad!  He doesn't want this home, these ladies, the hope of God to happen.  He is wearing down the saints as best he can.  He has touched the apple of our eyes at times and we have all been stretched, but we WAIT.  We wait on our hope and on His timing.  He is never late.  Resources are pouring in, volunteers are getting in line, prayer warriors are signing up and we are preparing down to the last minute.  We are experiencing the strength of the eagle.  We are running and are not weary.  We have not fainted nor become discouraged.  We have built it as He directed and they WILL come, in His timing.  Thank you for your prayers in this "wait".

Isaiah 40:31

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. 

A Girl and Her Bags

                                                              ANGELA

We had just finished a packed 2 days meeting a Board member for Lifeway Haven.  After 2 days of meeting his family and sharing testimonies of how we came into our relationship with God, it was time to return to Lifeway.  Our directors drove us there and we returned tired and ready to unpack and settle back into our routine.  About 5 miles from where our car was left, we all noted a young woman sitting on the side of the road.  Her head was buried in her hands and she was surrounded by about 6 bags of luggage.  It was HOT and it appeared she was stranded.  

Our director, looked back at us and his wife and asked what we all thought about stopping and trying to help her.  The census became a quick YES in the car.  She shared she was walking to a large town to be with her 2 teen boys and had been thrown out by her boyfriend.  Her bags she sat on were a representation of the baggage in her life.  It was not too long before we recognized that.  

We dropped her off at a quick stop and after giving her some cold water and money, she decided to stay there and hope for another ride to get her closer to  her destination.  We got into our car where we had left it and the agreement was that we were to return and if she was still there, take her in to her destination ourselves.  

We returned and there she was, red faced, sweating, and sitting on all those heavy bags.  She hopped into the air conditioning car and a destination was told to us.  We had a 30 min. drive, so we loved on her the whole way there! We told her how much God loved her and it was NOT His plan for her to be sitting on the side of the road alone.  Tears began to fall as we both told her He loved her VERY much.  We passed tissue to her and in a few minutes, a Bible we had in the car.  She shared her distressing situation, jail time facing her, not attending church, and much more.  We directed her to the fact that this was NOT an accident and we met her for a purpose.  

She willingly let us pray for her and as she slipped out of the car, she turned and thanked us and gave us a big hug.  We unloaded all her bags and in our hearts we prayed that she would unload her emotional bags and hurts onto her Father who sent us there.  What an opportunity.  She was tender.  We had seen cotton field after cotton field where we were on our trip. There was the white fluffy balls on each plant, ready to be picked.  We had been reminded that the fields are white unto harvest and we found a soul ready for the love of God sitting on the side of the road.  

She told us all we were angels and we thought perhaps she was one, testing us to see if we would drive by and not care!  We all agreed that this moment was the BEST part of our trip and a great reminder that we are His agents and to always be ready in season and out! We've decided to buy 2 Bibles for the car now and always keep that extra one for back up!  God bless you Angela as He reveals himself and His enormous love for you.  Just a stem of cotton ready to be picked by God's Cotton Pickers, working His fields in the heat and lateness of the day . What an AWESOME God and Father we have.  His tender mercies and new every morning.  

We're Almost Ready!!!!!!!!!

                                    Preparing the Ground

Anyone who has ever planted at garden knows you don't just pick a spot and stick a plant into the ground first thing.  Preparing the ground is a MUST.  Picking out the weeds, removing rocks, stumps, and turning over the ground that is fallow, never been worked, is ALL required for success.  That's is what Lifeway Haven has been doing.  It seems SOOOOO long, but it is very necessary for success.  

We have a table that many meetings have taken place around.  The rules and regulations have been combed over time and time again.  We have prayed, sought counsel, asked those closest to the ladies who will be doing reentry, their opinions.  Our directors took many trips before we came on board to see other works and ministries of this type and learn from them.  

At Lifeway, we want to do exactly as the Lord directs.  We have made some shifts because we felt the Holy Spirit directing us to do so.  The rooms will not be give Biblical names or named by the Fruit of the Spirit as so many do.  The Lord showed us to put each lady's name and the meaning of her special name on the door.  It's beautiful.  We have begun to do those name signs and have put a few up.  We realize the importance of organization in every area of the house....kitchen, laundry, work schedules, chores, etc.  We have created boards with tags, names, dates, directions for each area.  We have burned up a laminator and label gun for sure!!!!!!!  They are a MUST in start up.

 This is the master schedule board for chores, kitchen duty daily, devotions, and memos.  We striped a white board and worked for a week on house cleaning M W F with detail cards to match each room of this BIG house to be cleaned.  As the ladies enter, we will assign them to a chore, kitchen duty, and devotional day and rotate the board.  This is only one of several ways we communicate with the ladies and help them all to know where to be, what to do, and when to do it.

This is preparing the ground for success and not failure.  When a person has been incarcerated for years, the world did not stand still for them.  It progressed, but many of these ladies were not able to in areas.  They will have their first PILLOW in years, a window to look outside, a private bathroom with a door so no one can stare at them.  They will experience cool air and ice which has NOT been a part of their living conditions.  We will be putting a lot of OIL on their dryness of heart, soul, and even their skin!  Lotions are set in the bathrooms, shampoos in the showers and laundry soaps for clothing to be washed in.  Our ladies will experience a home.

When you open up to 12 ladies to begin with, you buy 12 of everything and stock the pods of 4 with all the necessities of life.  It has taken time, but the facility is ready, inspected and approved from TDCJ, beds made, kitchen stocked with cookware, food bank on standby, volunteers waiting in line, and prayer partners lining up to accept a valuable role for each lady.

We are putting up a tall fence for our exotic animals that the ladies will bottle feed for a business and therapy.  These animals are precious and raised by our director on his ranch.  This is a quick shot of Nancy feeding the animals and Coach also had a wonderful time with "Roo" as he fed him by hand.

Director Steve Griffith and Nancy

We have 3 ladies that are approved and we are waiting for the prison to let them out.  They are completing some required classes dealing with their offenses and then we will get that awaited call.
It's almost time to start the garden it seems, and we feel we have tried to prepare the soil well for success.  We have transitioned our belongings into our apartment and spent several weeks there working and praying.  We are ready, the directors are ready, the house is ready....Let's plant the garden!!!!!!!!!